Today I turned 50! (Insert happy dance, high five’s, electric slide or whatever dance your heart desires). I’ve had a wonderful birthday, but I’m sad. Not the type of sad because I’ve turned a half century old, but sad in the sense that my mother is not here to celebrate this fabulous milestone with me. Sandra, is…was her name. She was fantastic. She was funny, a great listener, my shoulder to lean on, and my most trusted confidant (besides my husband). She died from breast cancer almost 11 years ago. I still remember. It’s painful to think about sometimes. I cry..a lot sometimes. It’s okay that I do that, I’m just reminded how much I loved her and she so loved me, but I am so happy she’s resting, comfortably, and she’s with my brother, her son – he too taken way to soon. The lessons she taught me will remain until I close my eyes and take my final breath. She had been through so much in her time on earth. But the one thing I remember most about her is even with the shit she went through – losing a son, breast cancer twice, losing her mom, her youngest brother, the list goes on, she continued standing. Of course there were tears; there were times where I’m sure she felt beat down, wanting to give up. SHE DIDN’T. She stood. That is the one most important thing – KEEP STANDING. I know I’m going to sway, sometimes even stumble, but I’ll remain standing.

I treated myself to a birthday treat. I decided to celebrate my birthday, my womanhood, my strength, my grit, my awesomeness. I had a photoshoot. Side note – hadn’t done that in several years. I was happy that I did it. It was about me. My celebration. My milestone. I had so much fun. It was therapeutic. I guess I needed it….no, I did need it. I’m so glad I did it, and I’ll do it again.

So on my 50th Birthday, I celebrate my mother. Sandra was…is her name. I hope she would be proud of the woman I’ve become, of my tenacity, my strength, and me continuing to STAND. I loved her so, and she too so loved me.

Happy 50th Birthday to ME!